Two words:

Yarn. Harlot.

I do not care who you are. I do not care whether or not you knit. You need to read the Yarn Harlot.

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Stand in awe, for you are in the presence of glory.

When I began following her blog in early 2004, I had no idea what I was in for. Seriously. She is an addiction! I was fairly new to the concept of blogging in general, and more importantly I was paralyzingly afraid that someone would find out my secret: I actually read knitting blogs.

(Overwhelm yourself with the sarcasm here;) Oh, the horror.

If you had told me then that within three years I would have my own, I would have laughed myself miles past “silly” and all the way until you crept noiselessly out of the room to call my mother. (Moom, for the record, would have denied all responsibility. She would have left you on your own to deal with my silliness as you so chose, then would taunt me continuously for those following three years. Meanypants!)

That is a tangential subject though, and entirely unrelated to what is important about the Yarn Harlot.

The Yarn Harlot is brilliant, hilarious, eloquent, and many other things that would probably take up too much space to list, but mostly she knows knitters. Knitters in general. Knitters as a whole, as a valid portion of the population, as a secret society of revolutionaries who burn for change and are on their way to taking over. (Moths, watch out!)

If you don’t understand, it is because you aren’t in the loop. It means that you need to go here now, and then go to the library for all of her books. She writes about the bad along with the good, and gives many of us the justification we need. Not only to carry on with our (noble) actions, but to avoid the criticisms, tauntings, dismissals, and stupidity–yes, even that–of others.

i.e. My book is signed “obsession is normal”. (Refer to the pages where she returns the favor of hobby-taunting; “some people collect rocks”.)

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Trekking sock

We have to face it; some people just don’t understand knitters and their wool. We are wool-hearted, and they are cold in the winter. =D (At this point, anyone who has even the faintest idea of what my winter clothing habits are like is going to swallow their words. I’m waiting… Done? *Suspicious look*… Good.)

Here is what we need to do. You know how the movie store has a section for comedy concerts? We need to somehow make a place there for the Yarn Harlot. If you have not gone to see her you may not understand this, but honestly? My face is still a little sore today. We filled the whole room in the library (and another upstairs with a TV monitor), and I swear that we were collectively ready to wet ourselves with the hilarity. Her humor is completely unique, and somewhat unexpected even if you are familiar with her writing. She has an incredible sense of timing and presence.

We really ought ought to have been in The Ark, or some sort of real performance space. A knitters comedy concert? Why not! I don’t think that I have ever felt so at home in a crowd. Everyone had their knitting out, everyone was wearing a project, and everyone was talking about it. Wool, glorious wool! I happened to be sitting next to Knitterbunny, whose blog I am new to. I did not think to take a picture at the time, but much more importantly I was starving and she gave me chocolate. (Thank you!! You have no idea how much I needed that!)
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Knitters Without Borders pin. Go contribute!!

These are just a few of the things that you would have heard, had you been there:

“Hey, there’s a ball of yarn on the floor!” *twenty heads whip around curiously*

“Is that your first time using Mountain Colors sock yarn?” *half the room talks over each other to praise it at great length*

“My boyfriend took the digital camera away, because he dosen’t understand why I have to take pictures of everything and doesn’t want me to knitblog.” (Someone across the room) “DON’T MARRY HIM!!” (I was a little unclear on this. He may have actually been her husband, but the point itself was clear enough. That is what counts.) Actually, the Harlot wrote her a petition demanding the immediate return of the camera. We all signed.

There was much, much more.

Moving on.

Here is the Lupine shawl in its current state:

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If any of you can read knitting and see the weird extra yarnover near the top, that is not a mistake. I am going to go back and change it, but it was placed there intentionally.

Finally, last night I wound this:

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Noro Silver Thaw. Because I can feel Emily glaring, I promise that I only did it because I am running out of time on the project.

That was quite possibly the longest post ever. However, it was necessary. I am a strong advocate for spreading tasteful humor. You might as well enjoy it!

3 Responses to “Two words:”

  1. Dog Mom Says:

    …and I collect DOGS

    [that’s worse than collecting rocks. Rocks – at least – don’t violate your personal space.}

  2. kayak woman Says:

    Winter clothing? Or lack thereof? Okay, I’ll bite.

    Sixth grade. Forsythe Middle School. As the snow started to fly, I realized that Mouse’s ski jacket was from about 3rd grade. Definitely overdue for a new winter coat. Problem? We could not find one anywhere that she *liked*! So, she wore I forget what exactly, seemed like there was a sweater involved. Miraculously, it was not a very cold winter and by about mid-January, I decided why bother? We’ll just save a hundred bucks or so this winter.

    Not the most responsible of mooms around, but I did read to my kids. A LOT! :-)

  3. Dana Says:

    LOL, he’s my fiance actually, for 3 years now. Maybe I should wait till he gets on board about this whole knitting obsession? I liked Stephanie’s suggestion about talking to HIM about every knitterly idea instead of blogging about it. I’d give him 5 minutes and then he’d be begging me to blog. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you. Thanks for the advice 😉

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